The G Word
The guilt. Ahh, the guilt. I am sure that I am not alone in feeling it….all the time.
I feel guilty when I drop him at nursery and I feel guilty when I pick him up. I feel guilty when he is well behaved and lovely and guilty when he is being a little sod. I feel guilty when I go somewhere without him and guilty when I take him with me, then wish I hadn’t because I would be enjoying myself a lot more and relaxing if he wasn’t with me!
You get the idea!
No one tells you that becoming a parent means a life time of guilt!!
I write this post as I have just forced a seriously teary Baby B into the van so Daddy A can take him to nursery. You would think that I was sending him off to Borstal as opposed to the lovely quaint nursery he attends in the rural Surrey countryside. He goes to nursery 3 days a week and loves it (once he is there & we have walked away) though recently he makes his opposition clear. He would rather be at home with his toys. Now he seriously seems to know when the 3 school days are and the ‘no school’ begins in ernest as soon as he opens his eyes.
It is just awful and it breaks my heart. The guilt is in full force on school mornings!
I think it is important to take a step back sometimes and have a recap. Which is exactly what I have done this morning whilst writing this little post. Baby B is a happy child, he gets loads of quality time with mummy and daddy, I read him a bedtime story most nights and smoother him with kisses everyday, he doesn’t want for anything and visits a farm of some description most weekends.
So why the guilt?
Because that, I have come to realise, is just being a parent.
Something else they don’t mention in all those pregnancy books.
Kept that one quiet didn’t they.
A lie down protest
Oh, and I have booked a little trip to Ibiza without either of my boys! But that is another post. GUILT!!!!
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I never needed to be a parent to be a guilt-sponge, soaking up any spare guilt going around, so that didn’t come as much of a surprise. It is odd, isn’t it, how we feel guilty about absolutely everything that happens in their lives. I’m finding it much better with my second now, as I have done each phase once before and know that no matter the choices I make she will probably turn out okay. (You know, providing they are generally sensible ones).
The thing I still feel guilty about with both of them though, is having any one else look after them for any period of time, even their own Daddy. I feel so crushingly responsible for them that I feel like I’m shirking my duties if I am child free even for half an hour.
Nursery starts in January. I imagine I’ll be feeling just like you do, no idea how I’ll cope with lie down protests!!